During this time of heartbreak, I have had several people give me different kinds of advice and share things with me that, at first, caused me concern. I noticed my response towards people was to feel angry because they were trying to help me through something they didn’t know about (or so I thought).
The only problem is that we tend to have a ‘me only’ outlook when we are going through heartbreak. It can become a matter of selfishness and pride in some ways. Selfishness can take over when we get to a point where we have a pity-party for ourselves because this has happened to us for whatever reason. We begin to feel that we are the ONLY people that it has ever happened to and therefore we begin to have an attitude of ‘woe is me.’ Pride takes over when our friends and loved ones try to help us through. Many times they may not know what to say or how to say it. They might just blurt out something that they don’t necessarily mean and struggle to know how to say what is in their hearts.
If those who are going through grief are not careful their pride can take over and they can begin to feel they are better than the ones giving them the advice. The pride can also take another turn in not being willing to accept advice during heartbreak.
Many times what people say may be a pat answer but if we are willing to think things through with the Lord’s help and with humility in our hearts, it just might be that what was said was EXACTLY what we were needing at that particular time.
For instance, I’ve had 4 different people give me advice during this difficult time in my life. My first reaction was to get upset at them and tune out what they were saying. After much conviction from the Holy Spirit over my pride, I spent a lot of time going back over the advice they had given me and I can truly say that most of it was VERY good advice. Most of what was said may have sounded like a pat answer but it’s the only response that we can conclude with.
The final conclusion, “You must leave it in the Lord’s hands instead of trying to take things into your own hands and work things out yourself. God’s timing is always perfect and will not only take care of the other person (however HE intends to do it) but will help you through in such a way that it will bring honour and glory to HIM!”
The Word of God says that whatever things are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of good report think on these things. (Philippians 4:8) The only Person I can think of that truly matches this description is the LORD JESUS CHRIST! He alone is worthy to be praised.
In the end, the agony of heartbreak is used to show not only us but also the world around us the goodness of God. It is also used to show that HE alone is sufficient for our needs, desires, wants, hurts, and heartbreaks! Let us look to the future of what God will do in us and through us in every circumstance within our lives.
Submitting to the will of God and waiting for heart healing in His timing,
Desert Pastor’s wife
PS – Just a little note to say that this can apply to grief over the death of someone close to you. I know because I have someone very close to me who lost a loved one. Her testimony is amazing because of the humility in her life and being willing to listen to the Word of God and all biblical advice given her during her grief. The Lord has used the grief in her life to help her to grow spiritually and to change her. No, she’s not a pastor’s wife; however, if one person is willing to be used by God in every circumstance they will see their life change radically!